Christmas Card 2007

Hi. Here is our Christmas Card. There were many we would have liked to send this to but did not have time to gather addresses and such, our trip set us back. Merry Christmas all.

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I'm all out of Love

So in maybe 1986 there was a big announcement, the "band" Air Supply was coming to St George (you should watch that whole video, is that a ferocious Tiger on his shirt?).

You can make fun of Air Supply if you want but I know you like their songs. They are like that Carpenters song from Tommy Boy. You can pretend like you want to change the station when Air Supply comes on and then next thing you know you are singing the words and crying.

So 1986, they are coming to town. So I like them and I am not ashamed to admit it. But at the time I was pretty ashamed. I have this friend, his name rhymes with Shnate Fence. He LOVES Air Supply. But I have their best of cassette and it serves a good purpose with all those tender love songs so I can appreciate them.

So somehow we decided to go to this concert. I have been to Martika, The Jets, and even Rick Astley (the Pop-up video version, very cool), so this was not necessarily a huge step down at the time. These are the types of bands that came to St George at the time and frankly our options have not really improved much over the years.

So my friend Shmate and I decide we want to go but somehow we decided that we needed to get really good seats. I really can't remember if I wanted really good seats or if I was just going along with my friend but that was the decision. So the night before the tickets go on sale, he sleeps at my house and we set our alarm for 4:45am in order to get to the box office and get good seats. Remember, this is before internet and the Cox Arena was not exactly set up for phone orders either.

So everything works out and we get up and we are like the 5th and 6th person in line at 5am. We now only have 3 short hours until the box office opens. I admit it, I am getting caught up in the excitement of it all. The six of us at 6am (the other 4 of course were women) are singing:

"Here I am, the one that you love, asking for another chance...understand, the one that you love....."

So 7am roles around and we are still the only 6 in line. This is getting to be a roast that we got up at 4:45 in the morning. Finally, another woman comes behind us at 7:30 and the box office opens promptly at 8:00 am. Thank goodness we got up 3 hours early on a Saturday morning so we could get a better ticket than this lady behind us. I honestly will be forever grateful that there were people in front of us, that would have been the worst to be all alone in line until 8am, wow.

But it does get worse. As it turns out there were not enough tickets sold to even have the concert so Air Supply ditches us because of lack of interest. Lack of interest? Didn't they see 2 handsome 16 year-old boys at 5am at the box office?

Trip

So here is a travelogue like I have never written before. We had the best time but were also very happy to get home, we missed our girls a lot. I think you can click on most of the photos I will post here to make them bigger and see them better.

So we left on Thursday morning, November 29th. We flew from Vegas to Toronto to London on Air Canada which is a great airline because they have a screen at every seat and give out headphones, everything is free. I watched Bourne Identity, Transformers, The Simpsons Movie, Die Hard 3, and tons of TV shows. It's the only way to fly.

We arrived in London Heathrow early on Friday morning (which to our bodies was 3am). We got on The Tube, Minded The Gap, and got to our hotel, checked in, and then forced ourselves to stay awake all day to get rid of jet lag. We went on The Eye and then visited Big Ben and Parliment:



























Then Westminster Abby







and the Tate Britain museum. We had a hot date with The McCowans, who were kind enough to come into town and meet us at our hotel. We went to a local place, The Warwick, pretty close to our hotel and had a great meal with great people. It was so good to see them and catch up. I love email but it is not the same for sure.

After eating a great meal, we had tickets to Wicked at the Apollo Victoria Theatre. My spell check says that is not how theatre is spelled, but in the UK it is, they can't spell very well there, that is for sure. Good thing Clint and Heidi are there teaching school. Colour, titbit, and arse are also things they spell funny. Wicked was good and it was there that I learned that Cotton Candy is called "Candy Floss" in England. We may do some stupid things here in the US but at least we don't call Cotton Candy Candy Floss. Scoreboard!


The next day we did more tourist things, we saw the changing of the guard at buckingham palace with about 10,000 of our closest friends. I hope everyone likes that green jacket I am wearing because I pretty much only took it off to sleep and not always even that.

We spent the day doing tourist things and then we had our flight to Portugal that evening. We flew on Easy Jet which is such a sweet airline for one reason, they are cheap. We decided to go to London beacuse it was only $600 round trip from Vegas to London and then only another like $100 to go to Lisbon from there, and that included our rental car.

So we got to Lisbon late that night (Dec 1st), rented our car, it seems a lot bigger than it looks. It is a 4 door Yaris and worked out great. That guy is a friend from my mission, Ryan. It was just him and my wife and me on the trip He is awesome but don't tell him I said that. So we got some chicken and found our place that we had rented for our time there and went to bed.

The next day we went to church at 2 branches where I served, Alverca and Povoa de Santa Iria. It was fun to see some familiar faces. Something awesome happened too when I stopped by a members home to coordinate a future visit, she asked if I wanted to see her husband I said sure. She opened the door to the bathroom and there he was with his pants around his knees. He was in an accident several years ago so he is not all there but even still. Needless to say I did not shake his hand at this time.

The next day was Monday the 3rd and we picked up Ryan's sister Tenny that morning. The next 3 days were spent with her seeing many of things in the country I was not able to see as a missionary. This included the bone chapel in Evora:








Christo Rei












and Lisbon sites like the Torre de Belem





and the Palacio de Pena and Castelo dos Mouros in Sintra.







It was fun to see these sites, some I had seen and some I had not but it was all new to the mrs.

Starting Wednesday night we went on a tour of finding and visiting former missionaries with whom we served that are Portuguese. We saw Paulo De Jesus and his family


Sister Fouto and her husband.















Then on Friday we got up and went to the north part of Portugal to see a sister and an Elder with whom we served and meet their families and kids. We had a great time with former Elder Miguel Da Silva and Ana Paula Dionisio.

It was super fun to stay the night in Viseu and see these 2 great friends. Viseu was almost as beautiful as Da Silva said it was. We stayed with these guys Friday night and got up and went hiking and ate pizza for lunch and then had to get on the road. We got back into Lisbon in the evening and got together with former Elder Torrao and Paulo De Jesus again and had a great meal at Sergio's beautiful home.




OnSunday we went to Ala II and Ala IV and on sunday night we tracked down our mission president. Pres Martins was great and it was fun to see him, Sis Martins, and who once was his little 5 year old daughter now pregnant and married.






I love that picture because it makes me look bald with that light shining right on my dome. Monday we took the missionaries to lunch and caught our plane back to London. One of the greatest moments happened in line for Customs in England when the lady asked if we had our customs cards filled out, we showed her that we did, and her response? "Magic". The whole time I was in London I was hoping for a "Brilliant". I never dreamed I would hear a "Magic". It made the whole trip worth while you know.

We stayed another night there in London, walked around some in the morning on Tuesday and then flew home without incident. It was an awesome trip. We had the best weather, everything worked out so well in finding spots and traveling, I am so happy about it, it was a life-changing experience. I can't wait to go back. Viva O Sporting!

Brento, force of Freedom

I just returned from an awesome trip that I will blog about tomorrow but I wanted to brag about my brother Brenton since both of you reading this probably know him.

That article is about the research and company that he is working on in Texas. He has a PHD in Bio-Chemistry from Rice and an MBA from U of H. This article that I linked to his name is not the most prestigious journal but it has a picture of brenton which is a keeper for sure. There are a lot of articles about his start up company in several other newspapers around the country like the Atlanta Journal Constitution, Washington Post, USNews, and many others.

Props Brent.

I would rather eat bugs than do drugs OR get hugs

I am not much of a hugger.

I saw a great friend's father the other day at a hardware store. For those that know him, it was Big Bear. I reached my hand out to give him a shake and he bypassed my hand and opened his arms and gave me a big hug in front of God and all tar nation. He did not care who was watching or how manly it did not look. We were buying nails and hammers and hugging and neither one of us cared. It was most definitely the highlight of my day and made me feel so good. The communication of a hug is very powerful, which is why I don't like to do it too much.

In high school I always said that hugging a girl was more intimate and personal than kissing her. This may have been a way for me to justify some of my behavior but I think my premise was good. A hug says I love you and I care deeply for you while a high school make-out session does not always convey the same sentiment.

There was a guy in high school that would always hug everyone. For those that know I am talking about Mike Blunck. If it was anyone else doing the hugging I know it would have bothered me but Mike had this way of hugging you without it being weird, or awkward, or inappropriate or anything like that. I think he truly cared about a lot of people, regardless of their problems or status. I too do not feel a certain way about a certain person based on their trials or socio-economic status. I dislike all people equally.

But there is nothing so gross and awkward as an inappropriate hug. But there is nothing so awesome and powerful as a hug from the right person.

Thanks for the hug Big Bear!

Nivey Blog

	My Flixster

I'm ready to know what the people know

I am finding that a blog has been a useful place to get things off my chest. It is difficult for me to walk up to a stranger, or even someone I know, and tell them all about my bowel movements. For some reason though, I have been able to do that in my blog.

It has to be the therapeutic nature of getting these things off of your chest that is attractive to me. And I am not alone. I have seen people admit to a lot of things on a blog. Things as crazy as wanting to kill someone while driving or even liking country music. Where else could someone admit to an affinity for country music but in a non-threatening environment like this?

Well, in this same vein, I need to say that I like the song Part of Your World from the movie Little Mermaid.

There, I said it. And it feels good.

In my defense, the reason I made this landmark discovery was because my 8 year old has this album called Disney Mania, where main stream people re-do these famous Disney movie songs. Here is the version of this song from this album.

But it is not just because this artist punked the song up and added a guitar solo. The lyrics are very clever if you think about them. I mean, think of all the crazy things we earth dwellers have that a mermaid doesn't. Legs, fire, streets....dryers, bras that are NOT made out of seashells.... I am sure the list goes on and on.

Ok, I am at least half kidding there but I think it is a good tune. The lyrics are clever and I like the punked up version of it. I like to play it really loud in my mini-van. So sue me!




PS On a totally unrelated note, I really LOVE youtube .

Pet Peeves

Is that how you spell Peeves? It does not look right, not right at all.

Well, it's time. I can't believe I got this far without complaining about all the things wrong in the world. I always forget about things that bother me until they happen and one happened yesterday so I must give out the list.

We all have them, I am sure mine is longer than most. It is just that I hate people "so much..... stupid trash...rotten, stinky..... hate world, revenge soon.....take out on everyone."

Here they are in reverse order from super annoying to devastatingly annoying:

People that park in handicap spots that either don't have a sticker or do have a sticker but are like diabetic or something that I would not consider worthy of a handicap spot. If you can walk on 2 legs, park in the normal stalls. I understand that some people get handicap stickers that don't look disabled yet deserve and warrant a sticker but just ask yourself handicap sticker owner, "is parking in the handicap stall really necessary for me today?". That is all I ask. It is not just about parking closer, there is extra space by handicap stalls for vans with ramps and people in chairs.... oh never mind.

People that sign their letter to the editor with Dr. or ESQ or PhD or whatever and the letter has nothing to do with their title. If you want to write in about a healthcare crisis as a doctor, by all means, give your letter credibility by signing it as an MD. But if you are on the program at church as a speaker, are announcing your daughters wedding, or are speaking in a funeral, then go ahead and keep your wonderful title to yourself.

If you are LDS, or even if you are not, don't say Patriarticle instead of Patriarchal and please don't bear your testimony "in the name of thy son". That is how you close a prayer, not a testimony.

The overuse and misuse of the phrase "per se"

The under use and misuse of the semi-colon.

Any clock for any reason that is set to be slow. You can set em fast but never slow.

A man that sits through a 2 hour priesthood session and then after the final speaker gets up and leaves during the closing song before the closing prayer.

If you are a man and you walk into a restroom with a room full of empty urinals and you walk into one of the stalls to pee then you are a loser and I hate you.

If you ever use or submit a birthday announcement to the paper that uses the phrases "Lordy Lordy, look who's Forty" or Nifty nifty, look who's fifty" something painful should happen to you soon.

Reporters that interview people during tragedies and keep interviewing people until they find one that will say "this is the worst _______ I have seen in ____ years".

People (and actually almost everyone screws this up) that say "I could care less". If you COULD care less than you care a lot. If you "couldn't care less" than you really don't care at all which is what you really want to say there.

People that miss-time the giving of an opening or closing prayer in church and get there too early while the hymn is still playing and have to stand there a few paces away from the microphone. They never go all the way up to the microphone, they wait a few paces away for some reason. Just don't try to time it, wait until the hymn is over to stand up for heaven's sake.

Socks with sandals.

People that say Porn instead of calling it what it really is, Pornography. Porn is the hip cool way to say it so it justifies it's use and abuse.

And finally, when I hold the door open for someone and they have to touch the door on the way in for some reason. I may have it swung open as far as humanly possible but they still feel like they have to touch it, like they are helping with the act of me holding it open or something. Thanks for the help but just walk through the freaking door already.

If we have learned anything today it is that I am one bitter person. Oh well, I'll make a great old man someday soon.

Vote FOR referendum #1

I did, so should you.

I watched a documentary on Neil Young last night. I love Neil. For much of it he is playing to a crowd in Nashville and it would have been so fun to be there.

I know I am getting old when the idea of a loud and standing and sweaty concert sounds less and less appealing to me. Don't get me wrong, I would love to see a lot of concerts. I really wanted to see Ben Folds in Vegas in June. I had decided to go and see BF and then walk out of John Mayer but I ended up not being able to go because I was out of town. My friends parents went and walked out of Ben Folds and came back for John Mayer. I thought that was funny. I guess Ben Folds used the F-Word though all over the place which is not cool.

Anyway, I want to go to a concert and be able to hear the music and not get pushed around, maybe even have my own assigned seat. It would be fun to sit down. Neil would talk and say something profound and it just looked very enjoyable in that show.

It also made me think of how amazing it is to make music. It is not that rare to find someone that can sing, a lot of people can sing. But less can probably write a good song and then less can probably write the words that are meaningful. A lot can probably play a song well too but to have a person that can sing, write music, write lyrics that are meaningful and profound, and play it all is really amazing to me. I was amazed by this last night.

Seeing that guy, playing the guitar, singing, playing the harmonica, and then moving over and playing piano? That is sick to me. I was moved to act by Neil when he sang this song for the Hurricane Katrina relief telethon. This version does not do it justice, it was great.

Tagged, your mama's it

I have been so offended that I have never been tagged. It is about time.

Jobs I have held:

1) Linen Truck Driver
2) South American Software Trainer

3) Youth Counselor for Sex Offenders

4) Convenience Store Clerk (my favorite)

Movies I can watch over and over:

1) Fletch
2) Shawshank Redemption

3) Princess Bride
4) MST3K

Guilty Pleasures:
1) Soda (not diet) with 1 meal/day
2) Spending too much on golfing
3) The Amazing Race
4) Not running from Oct 7 - February

Places I have lived:
1) Houston
2) Mesa
3) Kansas City
4) Cherryfield, ME

Shows (old school version):
1) Northern Exposure
2) Simpsons
3) Saved by the Bell
4) Renegade

First Things I thought when you saw your significant other:
1) Who dat? (asked her cousin Derek who she was while we played foosball)
2) I like that North Face jacket (it was blue)
3) What could I do to run into her on purpose in the next few days
4) Is there anything to eat at this party?

Places Been on Vacation:
1) Mexico City
2) Bar Harbor, ME
3) NYC
4) Santiago, Chile

Favorite Foods:
1) Any and all Seafood
2) Daisy's Chicken Squisito
3) Daisy's Outback Meal
4) My Mom's Sunday Chicken Dinner

Websites I visit Daily
1) netvibes
2) Washington County Sheriff Inmate Bookings
3) Conquer Club
4) Pandora

Injured Body Parts
1) Broke 3 Fingers in high school football
2) Broke Zygomatic Arch playing bball 1990
3) Broke Ankle playing bball 1993
4) Broke Wrist snowboarding 2004

Awards Won
1) 3rd grade reflections Blue Ribbon, 3rd Grade
2) Spelling Bee Champ, 6th grade
3) I can't think of 2 more
4)

Nicknames
1) Chille Relleno
2) Scottex (brand of TP in Portugal)
3) Rutager
4) Great Scott

That is all, I tag Daisy, Sadie, and Emily.

Moms have it so easy

I was hooking a buddy up the other day with netvibes and I came to realize there are about 50 blogs I check and about 5 of those are from males and 45 are females. Kind of sad, lots of blogs I like are "couple" blogs so that is something but mostly the couple blogs are written by the female too.

There is nothing wrong with this I guess, just an observation that women must have a lot more time on their hands. Blogs are to the 2000's what Days of Our Lives was to the 80's. Do you ladies eat bon bons while you blog too?

Speaking of having it easy. I am almost done with day 2 of a 4 day adventure of watching my kids while my wife is in California getting a massage, eating, watching TV, and otherwise hanging out at a cabin with friends and family.

I don't see what all the hubbub is about with watching kids. Taking care of the kids is a breeze. In fact, I slept until 8am this morning, I don't know when I did that last. The kids dressed themselves, started piano practice, made their own breakfast. I was just kind of there. They all went to school whenever they were supposed to, had their back packs, 2 of them walked and the pre-schooler got a ride with someone, I don't know who the lady was. Somebody. Mags and I just hung out, I watched some stuff on Tivo.

I ran some errands with the youngest, hit Target like the women like to do. Manuvered my way between silicone and SUVs at Target for awhile, that was fun. When school was out they all came home by themselves somehow. Lunch was served for me and the younger ones, the other ones get fed by the school, how awesome is that? Some then took naps, I started being a good housewife and jumped on the computer and read blogs all afternoon. I even did some of my own jobs and mowed the lawn AND washed the van.

Next thing I knew it was time for dinner. I whipped that up lickety split, a luscious casserole that everyone devoured. Cooking is a cake walk.

On top of all of this it was my 2nd daughters birthday today so she opened the presents and then we made cupcakes. This was a fantastic day. Well, I better go. It is 8pm and all the kids have given themselves a bath and gotten themselves dressed, read themselves a story, and are ready for prayers so I guess I will go upstairs and pray with them, kiss them goodnight, and then hit the tube again.

Catch y'all later

PS I have 7 diapers for the 4 days for Mags, which is probably 3 more than I need so that is all good. I am sure I could find an emergency diaper around if I needed to or fashion one using dish towels and safety pins. Loves and Fishes, Loves and Fishes.


PSS I guess I should mention a few things about this weekend. In the interest of fairness I did gloss over a few items.

1) Yesterday was day one and I had work and teaching in the evening so Daisy had to arrange to have 2 different people watch the girls all day until I got home at 8:30 when they were already in bed so technically I am watching them for 3 days not 4.

2) Of the 10 meals that will (or should) take place while Daisy is gone, 2 were made by Daisy before she left (including tonight's delicious casserole, although I had to put it in the oven), 3 (or maybe more if I am desperate) will be cold cereal, and we plan on going out another 2 at least. if I am lucky I can hit my parents pretty hard on Sunday. I may not have to cook this weekend at all.

3) Daisy had arranged to have everyone taken to school that needed to be and picked up so I did not have to worry about it. Then tomorrow, Parly has some church thing that someone is taking her to and bringing her home from as well. She had packed their backpacks for the day and otherwise had them all ready to go for school so I had to do nothing.

4) Clayre's b-day today involved Daisy laying out all the presents that she wrapped and leaving tags on them illustrating when each should be opened and in what order and for what reason. She bought the cupcake mix, I just added the egg and threw it in the oven.

5) This is the best thing. On the kitchen counter I found THE most detailed instructions detailing when anything and everything should take place this weekend in chronological order. A monkey could watch my kids if they had this type of instruction. Am I so useless that it needs to be 5 pages long? It is amazing with cross-references and sticky notes. (I would have taken a pic to illustrate but Daisy took the camera).

6) Finally, in the same vein as #5 there are the clothes for Maggie, all laid out on the bed in her room with stickies for the days she should wear what, even socks are laid out. Amazing.

If all wives made this job as idiot proof as mine did, watching the kids for a weekend would be a pleasure. I am looking forward to the rest of the weekend and all the plans we have. I can't wait to look on the sheet Daisy left to see what those plans are.

aofdsajojoifsadoijiojffjjfoisafjsoifjsoijoiajfsdkmflmlk

Well, I can't think of a word to describe the marathon except for suck. As Homer Simpson said, it was the biggest bunch of suck that ever sucked.

But Daisy did awesome and qualified for Boston with a 3:39:41 time. That was great.

I am glad it is over, I had some stomach problems, I won't bore you with any more gruesome details. But one thing that was awesome was I came into Veyo and heard the roar of the crowd and as I came in it seemed to pick up some. People got a bigger smile on their face as I ran by and the applause went from moderate to quite loud. There were even a few "woo"s in there. I started to pick up my pace a little and felt better as I was about to challenge Veyo hill. Just as I am leaving town, however, I turn to my left and realize that everyone is cheering for a guy pushing another guy in a wheelchair.

Needless to say, they beat me up Veyo hill and as far as I know in the race too.

So nice job to them and way to go Daisy, I am so proud.

It's the final (Colon) countdown...ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba...

I just WENT pretty early this morning, I might be in trouble tomorrow, I don't know. I am nervous.

I don't want TO but I will if I have to.

Shayne Clay

I think it is cool when people go by 2 names but lame and pretentious when they insist on it. I know a lot of people, and off hand they are all women, that go by 2 names. My daughter Parly's middle name is Sue and Parly Sue just rolls off the tongue.

There is a person I know, however, that her name is like that but you have to call her by both names and the fact that everyone calls her by both names just bothers me for some reason. She seems like such a nice person too but I guess she is not.

Here are some others that I like:

Becky Jeane
Peggy Lee
Maggie Mae
Emily Anne

Here are some I don't:

Mary Jo (too Country)
Becky Sue (too old)
Mary Jane (too weedy)
Becky Lynn

Again, Mary Jo Peterson or whatever is a fine name but I don't want to have to call you Mary Jo. Can't I just call you Mary? Please?

So who have I offended out there? Let me have it.

Mow if you want

I am so over mowing the lawn. Ironic isn't it?

This is the last Rectum article

I was going to stop putting them on here after the last one but I like this one. It was on the front page of the Sports Section and even got a picture with it. Watch out Rick Reilly.

Disturbing YOUR universe, one blog entry at a time

So I want to tell anyone about a social experiment that I have been invited to take part in. It is called Disturb The Universe.

DTU is just an idea right now but it is an idea about what we can do using our brains and little else. I know what you are thinking, just brains? Shayne is doomed to fail. Probably, but here is how it works anyway.

There are some very loose guidelines. Everyone that is doing it starts with $100. The goal is to take that $100 and double your money. You are supposed to try something new every month. I don't want to blow your mind but if you were to double your money every month you would have $409,600 in only 1 year.

That may be unrealistic, but I think some cool ideas and experiences can come from this experiment. The people doing it are fantastic, I am not in their class. If you know me very well, you could guess who came up with the idea and some of the individuals that are involved.

There is a blog that will probably be made public a little later. In the meantime, wish me luck and please pass on any ideas you might have on doubling my money. And yes, I thought of Vegas already.

Looks like I'm on the golf beat

Please don't read this, unless you are a parent of a golfer it is so boring.

Tribe of Mormon

I just got done reading THIS article that Josh sent me, it is fantastic. It is about Mitt Romney, Mormons, and general beliefs of Mormons. I could not have said any of it better than it was said in this article written by an intellectual and not a member of the LDS Church. If you have half an hour, I highly recommend it.

I have found myself defending Mitt the last few months on more than one occasion. I know a little about what he wants and believes as a candidate. I have made my feelings known on this subject but I think Mitt is a good man. I am not afraid to admit I cheer for him because he is LDS and so am I. We may or may not share exact ideals or beliefs but I would still cheer for him as a member of my faith. I used to be embarrassed about that but I am not anymore.

A few months back I had an older gentleman in my office that has been very successful. He flies helicopters, served in Vietnam, and smokes like a chimney. I always assumed he was at least not active LDS and at most not even a member. I was right, it was the former. But his respect and love of the Mormon faith was something I had never encountered before. We sat and spoke for hours one afternoon. He told stories about his ancestors and Porter Rockwell and it was so enjoyable. He finally made the comment, "Mormonism is not my religion, it is my tribe"

I really liked that. Don't get me wrong, Mormonism is my religion and one of the dearest things to me of all the things I have. I don't treat it with the respect it deserves but I believe it with all of me, I have no doubts. But it is my tribe too. I have been critical in the past of, for example, a certain race that will openly cheer for other members of it's race. I have thought this was wrong. We have seen this with the whole Michael Vick saga. THIS article talks about some of the racial implications. Dog fighting should be wrong no matter what but can I understand those of Vick's race sticking up for him at this time? A little bit, I can.

Right now there is some controversy over the upcoming anniversary and film about the Mountain Meadow Massacre. Let me first say all the requisite things about how terrible it was and wrong on any level. But as an LDS member, do I have something to say about those that carried out this crime? Damn right I do. I don't want to go into a whole long thing here but this was not just some people killing other people in a vacuum. There was a back story here.

Some might say Vick was raised a certain way in a certain income level and this may be a reason something happened. Not an excuse but a reason. I don't know about that but I apply these same thoughts to the Mountain Meadow Massacre. I acknowledge it was horrible and wrong but I seek to understand the climate in which it took place, I think that is important. I think the movie is inaccurate, or simply the most controversial possible scenario of what really happened with very little historical fact, and not only that it is supposed to be just rotten.

In a much lighter way, I find myself cheering for people of my faith. Mitt Romney, Steve Young, whoever it is, in sports or politics or even acting although no one makes it faithfully to acting. In some way I feel like I know these people on an intimate level like someone else may not know them. We may have common experiences like a mission or common habits like church going or abstaining from certain alcoholic beverages. I make no apologies about this. I believe these are my people. I enjoy it. I hope they succeed in all that they do and they are good ambassadors of my faith.

Article

If you like High School golf, you will LOVE this article.

Extra Extra

So, I guess I am going to be writing an article or 2 a month for The Spectrum, the local paper here in St George. We'll see what happens. Just in the Sports section.

Here is Article #1 that came out yesterday.

Shorty #4

I would rather go dookie in my shorts and get 3:59:59 in the marathon than get 4:00:00 and have clean shorts at the finish line.

Shorty #3

Yesterday I got an eagle while golfing in Mesquite with Bary and Nate. I have never got an eagle before. It may have been one of the happiest moments of my life. Truly.

Shorty #2

Also

Amy Poehler
Alyssa Milano
Nicole Eggert
and for some reason Mary Lynn Rajskub

I have never even seen 24

Shorty #1

If I was given the chance to wave a magic wand and not have any ingrown hairs on my legs (caused by wearing pants every day) I would not do it. I like to pop them like zits so much.

Whatevs

I like this song:

And this song too, heard them both on Pandora. Thanks J and Josh.

You know who I would never want to mess with? Someone that can tear a phone book in half with their bare hands.

I tried to rip a credit card application/junk mail letter yesterday and had to get out the scissors.

Worst Blog Entry in my 2 years of blogging

Last Thursday Josh and I had this conversation on Instant Messenger,

Josh: Dude, are you guys getting flooded out?

Me: I don't think so, what are you talking about?

Josh: http://deseretnews.com/dn/view/0,1249,695197213,00.html

Me: How awesome. Not that there is flooding but that I have to find out about something happening 5 miles from my house from someone in the NYC.

Josh: Yeah

(5 minutes of no Instant Messaging)

Me: If I wanted to be a famous reporter, all I have to do is go to every story and find someone in the crowd or knock on doors until someone tells me it is the "biggest" or "worst" whatever they have seen in XX years. Did you see that guy in that article?

Josh: Yeah

Me: Worst flood he has seen in 46 years. We had the flood in 2005, barely 2 years ago, that wiped out like 20 homes and did millions of dollars in damage but this is the worst this guy has seen? Oh, the biggest flood of just North Creek (pronounced Krik).

Me: I just hate that someone has to say it is the worst or largest to make it a good story.

Josh: haha

Me: The best is when they are a policeman and they have been on the force like 6 months and they come across a fender bender and the reporter gets them to say "this is the worst accident I have seen in my 6 months on the force".

Reno "Renegade" Raines

After many years apart I found Reno again. I have missed him so much, it has probably been since 1996 since I last saw him. Where has he been hiding, that is what I want to know. No matter, we are back together and that is all that matters.

If you are not familiar with Reno Raines, he is the character of Lorenzo Llamas from the syndicated action show Renegade. Reno, like many other heroes of our time, was falsely accused of a crime he did not commit (think A-team, the Fugitive, etc). I think it had something to do with his wife's death who he loved very dearly which makes it hard for him to get close to another woman (but he can get kind of close to a woman almost every episode).

Now that he has been falsely accused he spends his time on the road, riding his Harley, and working for a Bounty Hunter named Bobby Sixkiller, a Native American man played by Branscombe Richmond. Bobby allows Reno to work for him, knowing of his true innocence.

Together with Cheyenne Phillips, played by Kathleen Kinmont, who is somehow Bobby Sixkiller's sister but could not look less like him, the three roam the "badlands" in search of justice and those running from the law.

Actually, all you need to know is in the intro to the show which you can find here.

This show means a lot to me because it reminds me of college. Me, Kendall, and my two roommates from Kamas, Utah Rory and Joe, would watch this show every afternoon at 2pm. It did not matter if I was studying, with a girl, at work, I would drop whatever I was doing and get home to watch Renegade with the boys and they would do the same. Even though Rory and Joe were embarrassed, they went out of their way to be there when that opening music started.

And if you think Reno Raimes is only good for entertainment once a day, you would be wrong on that. Kendall and I had a whole thing where, if there was a cute girl in the computer lab, we would print a copy of Reno's face off of the web and then use it as a conversation piece (Kendall, of course, did this much better than I did). So picture Kendall, he has just printed a picture of Reno (Lorenzo Llamas), and he goes to get it from the lab employee who is a cute girl and Kendall would answer a question that the girl had not even asked, he would say "oh, this picture? That's Reno Renegade".

The guys name was Reno Raines and he was on the show Renegade but Kendall always called him Reno Renegade. And of course, for Kendall, these tactics worked every time.

I miss Kendall, he lives far away. I would pay $100 for a homemade sandwhich made by Kendall Wayne right now. Until this past weekend I missed Reno too. I am glad at least Reno is back in my life.

Jay Leno, why the head to toe denim, why?

This was a conversation between me and the wif the other night:

Wif: "I know now why you always say Jay Leno wears head to toe denim. When he does those man on the street interviews they get a bunch of questions together and do them all at once."

Me: "So you think they do like a year's worth of questions at once?"

Wif: "Yes, he always goes to Universal Studios"

Me: "But he asks topical questions about events that just happened, and what about the questions he asks when he is in Vegas? He is still wearing head to toe denim."

Wif: (while realizing that Leno DOES just wear head to toe denim all the time) "Why aren't we telling people this?"

Me: "Who do we tell? He knows he wears head to toe denim and probably just loves denim. Should we write him a letter? Who else would we tell?"

When Jay Leno is on his show he wears a suit but when he does anything else he wears head to toe denim. When it is cold out he may wear a jacket but still has denim under there. Here are ALL the clips from youtube of him when he is doing his man on the street interviews (JayWalking). As crazy as it sounds these were not all done on the same day. The man just loves denim.

Here
Here
Here
Here

So there you go. Now 4 other people know about Jay Leno and his nasty little secret. I defy you to find any pictures anywhere of Leno where he is not wearing a suit or denim. It's not possible.

1980, the greatest year in Cinema

The Wif had a post a few months back about an old movie she had remembered and tracked down on this new site that she had found called Google. About a year ago I was in Logan at the big video store there, Hastings, and I ran into a movie that I loved when I was little. It was called Midnight Madness. I had to buy it and it was worth every penny. It came out in 1980 and was Michael J Fox's first film, he is so bad in it. But the film is as funny today as it was when I was 7 watching it. This one screams for a remake. My kids like it too. There is a part where one of the clues is between this woman's cleavage but other than that it is clean and great. Why won't Scott's brother just love him for who he is?

Then a few weeks ago I remembered watching this movie about a guy that has super powers unless he sees red. I remember the song that goes "supa supaaaaaaaaa....supa supa supa" and I remember this one scene where he blows up a piece of gum so big that he was able to surface a sunken ship. Of course I had to have this movie too so I found it on Amazon and it arrived a few days ago. It's called Super Fuzz AKA Super Snooper. I watched it with the kids this last weekend who asked me lots of questions like, "why is his partner so dumb?"and "why does he have an accent?"which he does, so this one did not land as well as Midnight Madness did. Still fun though.

"When Midnight Madness starts to get to you....doesn't matter what you say...doesn't matter what you do you're going to play"

Here is a clip from You Tube of Midnight Madness. Funny, the best is how the bartender at a Pabst Blue Ribbon plant has a whistle and when he blows it 3 security guards come running to throw out underage punks.

Here is a clip from Super Fuzz. It is actually the Trailer to the film. Don't ask why he is in the electric chair or how he shot a rocket with his gun, you just have to watch like the rest of us.

The Bell and Reverse Typical Racial Roles

I work in "downtown" St George and I was walking to lunch the other day and, if you are from St George you will remember this, the Noon bell went off. If you grew up here you will remember the bell going off everyday at exactly high noon. You always knew it was noon as a kid because of the noon time bell.


I don't know if it is a real bell, I don't know if someone rings it or it is automatic, I don't know even where it is. All I know is when I was growing up if I was golfing during summer at Red Hills Golf Course I could hear it and if I was in my back yard in Morningside Park I could hear it. And for some reason, I don't think I have heard it, at least I have not noticed it, for 15 years.


What a flood of memories hit me as I heard that bell the other day. I thought about how much St George has changed, not just in population numbers either. But it is still a nice place and I love to live here.


Later that same day I was mowing my apartment where I have a very nice family from Mexico living. I was out and it was maybe 105 degrees out and I am sweating like no tomorrow mowing this lawn. Well, Gerardo comes out and we spoke for a minute and then he is watching me and, maybe this is a racist thought but I had it, I thought how ironic that this gentleman from Mexico was watching me mow his lawn, a reversal of the stereotypical Mexican mowing the lawn. I was glad that I was doing this, even though I own the place, I wanted everyone to see me, this pasty white guy, mowing the lawn of this Mexican gentleman while he watched me and tugged on a cigarette in a lawn chair.

Sucka

What I am about to post is real. The participants in this story are not actors but actual dopes and losers. Well just me I guess. Ok, so this has to be one of the most embarrassing 2 things that has ever happened to me. One is not so bad and the other is horrible. I am so embarrassed about what I am about to post but I think it is good to get out there.

Amy had a post a few weeks back about falling for a mini-scam thing with a fake email from Paypal asking for her to verify her information. This is what reminded me of my own loserness. Sorry to bring up old wounds Amy, if you had a cut I would be happy to pour lemon juice in it. What happened with that whole identity theft anyway?

So event #1 took place while I was at BYU for the year that I went to BYU. I got a call at my house when I was home from class. It was from a radio station promotions department saying I had won "the grand prize". I, of course, was very excited to get my prizes. They were explained to me and I only had to send in $49 or something to get them. This was much like the tax you might pay on a car that you win, even though you win a car you still have to pay the tax. This made sense to me and so like a bonehead I paid the money. I was excited to tell Josh that I was "the grand prize winner" of a contest I had not even entered. Josh had a field day with this information and as we met people over the next few weeks, he proceeded to explain to them how I had won "the grand prize". It is funny now but at the time I hated it. He would say to a total stranger, "Hey, did you hear the good news?" and they would say no. And he would say, "Shayne won the grand prize" and I would slump down in my seat or hide around the corner. Thanks a lot Josh.

I eventually received a coupon book in the mail, much like the local Dixie Direct book only not as good. I used a coupon or two but nothing near $49 worth.

So apparently I did not learn my lesson on that one when after Daisy and I were married and living in Houston I was eating at Whataburger and somehow came in contact with a scratch off game. I scratched off each of the 4 quadrants and guess what? They were all the same and I was the winner. All I had to do was call a 1-800 number and claim my prize. I did this and was told to come to a certain address on a Saturday for prize claiming.

Well, I go to this office which now that I look back on it was obviously another business Mon-Fri and this scam on the weekends. They have me sit in a room with about 15 other "winners", all smiling and happy. This is so embarrassing.

So we are herded into another room where we get to sit through a sales presentation. I can't remember at what point I knew I was being duped but the worst part about this story is I ended up paying a few hundred dollars to join this "club" which would get me discounts on anything from pots and pans to furniture. I am so dumb and so pissed again at the whole thing. I should have been so offended by the way that they got me in there and just walked out but I stayed and scratched them a check for their trouble.

Maybe the business is legit and I could save millions getting stuff through them but doing what I did there goes against every philosophy, every idea about money that I have. Well, this was lame and I hope I have learned my lesson this time but who knows with me. At least it has been 7 years or so. Knock on wood.

David Spade's Keg

Do you think anyone in the history of the world has ever aspired to have David Spade's body? Well I do. I got a gym membership this year and there for a month or 2 I was going all the time and enjoying it. But like everyone else in the free world I got out of the habit and it has been a month at least that I have not gone. I hate not going but going does not sound like much fun either.

I have started marathon training which for me means I run on Saturdays that I am not golfing (I have missed the last 2 Saturdays) and "try" to run two other days of the week. I usually run twice a week.

I saw this picture of David Spade the other day. I am not sure but I think that is almost exactly what I look like with my shirt off. I too have 10 hairs on my chest and a little tubby around the middle. The thing about David Spade that I like though is before I saw this picture, I could not have told you if he was skinny, ripped, or tubby like he is. When he is wearing clothes you really have no idea.

So instead of setting my sites so high like an idiot and shooting for Brad Pitt, why don't I just shoot for something attainable like David Spade? He is not a bad looking guy and no one would say he is morbidly obese for sure.

So that is what I aspire to be, an unknown. I want people to look at me and not know that I am fat, at least in their mind they might give me the benefit of the doubt. That is the same as having killer abs without all the work.

Shayne wins again.

Warning: Post is Rated PG-13 (or for those that know who the tooth fairy is)

So a few nights back we are having dinner and Parly, my oldest, is about to lose a tooth. She is talking about how she got $1 for the first 3 teeth she lost but her friend Halle got $5. I say that sometimes the tooth fairy has different amounts of money at different times or something lame like that. I can see the wheels turning in her head, she is no where near satisfied with my answer. She looks me right in the eyes and says, and I quote:

.... "are you guys just the tooth fairy and you were trying to save some money because you don't like to spend it?"

I could not help but smile about being ratted out like that and right when I smiled the gig was up. She asked over and over and I was changing the subject, her 3 younger sisters were right there as well. So I decide I am not going to lie to her, if she is old enough to figure it out on her own she is old enough to know the truth. So I get Daisy talking about something unrelated and pulled Parly into the other room and told her what was up and she was not too disspointed and seemed pretty excited that she was old enough to know the truth.

The best is that my cheapness ratted me out. My cheapness has always been so good to me.

Pretty Foots

This girl used to tell me that I had great feet and over time she convinced me that she was right all along. If you look at them the toes are a good length and width, not long, skinny, and nasty like fingers and not short and stuby like....... like..... my wife's toes? They are the perfect balance of still being manly but not too manly, there is barely any hair on them at all. There are some veins that make them look tough too though so you can tell they are man feet. Most men have Sasquatch feet. If you are a man and are shaving your feet down, that can't be good. (Speaking of Sasquatch, these ads are very funny).



I really thought about trying to be a foot model. At the time it was the mid 90's and Birkentstocks had taken the world by storm. I soon decided that A. I don't know how you go about being a foor model, sounds like a lot of work. And B. I don't treat my feet like a foot model would or should. I never wear shoes but to church and work, I love to go everywhere in just my bare feet. If a person could get paid for walking on black tar roads in the middle of summer in 110 degree heat then I would be set, the heat does not really phase the feet (a little poem). Yet my feet are still surprisingly soft. My feet never smell, they are as amazing as you are thinking that they are.



The only real problem with my feet is the toenails. My toenails are still very attractive but they are attached to my toe all the way up to the top of the toe. This may look great and attractive and prevent ingrown toenails but it also makes it so I can't cut my toenails too short or I will be into the skin in no time. My wife is constantly on me about cutting my toenails but they are attached so high and I can only cut them a little at a time and they grow out so quickly. I barely shower every other day, I refuse to cut my toenails more often than I shower.

So enjoy. If any of you know any foot model talent agents, please pass this picture on to them (notice the golf sock tan). Thanks.

From My Collection

I was looking through my tapes (cassette tapes, not CDs) last Saturday just for funsies and I came across a goody that I had to put right in. I started to think about my music collection and looking through each tape and CD. I started buying CDs in 1996 and before that I had and still have over 200 tapes. I just can't bring myself to get rid of them, I still listen to them once in awhile. I have every Cure tape, every Smiths tape, every U2, every REM, they are still good as gold, I can't throw them in the garbage. As long as they still make tape players which they may not do anymore but I still own one.

So I went through my collection of both CDs and tapes and thought I would give you a snapshot through some categories. All of the albums here are in my collection and are albums I bought myself, not one of the 5 I inherited from Daisy when we got married. A * indicates a cassette tape, the rest are CDs. Here they are in no particular order but like the Oscars I will try and do a good category early on to keep your attention:

Top 5 Albums:

• Beck - Odelay
• Neil Young - Rust Never Sleeps
• Weezer - The Blue Album
• Billy Bragg - Workers Playtime *
• Neil Young - Harvest *

First of all, how pathetic is it that I was able to narrow down hundreds of albums into the 5 best? But to have Neil Young in there twice? I tried my very best to come up with another one I like as much as Harvest but I could not. These albums all had a profound effect on me at different times in my life. I like Nevermind a lot too among others that flirted with the top 5 but to be honest with you, #6 would probably be Harvest Moon.

Top 5 Surprises:

• Sheryl Crow -Tuesday Night Music Club
• Phenomenon Soundtrack (No one knew I had this except my wife and Chia)
  
• Frank Sinatra All the Best
• Air Supply - Greatest Hits *
• Alanis Morisette - Jagged Little Pill

Top 5 "Best Ofs":

• David Bowie
• Men At Work
• Nanci Griffith
• Elton John
• Allison Kraus

I realized through this exercise that I have a lot of "Best Of" sets and albums and that kind of disappointed me for whatever reason. I have felt that buying Best Ofs is kind of a cop out but U guess I cop out a lot.

Top 5 to listen to on a Cold or Rainy Day or a day you just decide to call in sick and spend it at home with the family:

• Sting - Ten Summoners Tales
• Jayhawks - Rainy Day Music (pun intended)
• Sarah McLachlan - Fumbling Towards Ecstasy
• Counting Crows - August and Everything After
• Cranberries - No Need to Argue

Top 5 Soundtracks:

• Clueless
• Keeping the Faith
• Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope
• Romeo + Juliet
• So I married an Axe Murderer *

If these were the top 5 you should have seen the bottom 5.

Top 5 Female Singers Albums:

• Michelle Shocked - Mercury Poise
• Sinead O'Conner - The Lion and the Cobra
• The Breeders - Last Splash
• Indigo Girls - Rites of Passage
• Nanci Griffith - A Retrospective

Top 5 Artists to Listen to with Dinner:

• Glenn Miller
• Billie Holiday
• Ella Fitzgerald
• Sade
• Norah Jones

Top 5 Artists collective works I would want if I was stuck on a desert island (it was about here that I got tired of looking up the band or album on Wikipedia and creating a link to them so I stopped):

• Morrissey (Solo stuff and The Smiths)
• Ben Folds (Solo and with The Five)
• REM
• Neil Young
• Billy Bragg (His great Solo stuff + I get the stuff he has done with Wilco too, I need to get Wilco's newest, you can stream it here.)

Hard to leave U2 off of that list but that is where I am at right now, sorry Paul, Larry, Adam, and whatever Edge's real name is.

Top 5 Overrated Artists:

• Bob Dylan
• Ben Harper
• Phish
• Lauryn Hill
• Dave Mathews Band

Top 5 Underrated/Artists you may not have heard of/should be more popular than they are:

• The Samples
• Rusted Root
• Duncan Sheik
  
• Stroke 9
• Bare Naked Ladies

I could probably say as much as I love Ben Folds that he is the most Under rated but these are too.

Top 5 Albums I was surprised to love:

• Eminem - Curtain Call (Edited version purchased from Wal-Mart)
• Soundtrack to the film Crooklyn
• Stevie Wonder - Song Review
• Squirrel Nut Zippers
• Jewel
  

Top 5 from the 70's:

• Beach Boys - Pet Sounds
• Loggins and Messina
• Steve Miller Band
• Cat Stevens
• Grateful Dead - American Beauty*

And finally, there were about 5 more of these lists than there needed to be, Top 5 Funnest:

• James - Laid *
• Cake - Fashion Nugget
• Weezer - The Blue Album
• Mathew Sweet - 100% Fun (pun intended)
• The Lemonheads - It's a Shame about Ray *

I learned a lot about my music through this process. I learned that most of my true music loves were formed from 1995-1997, after my mission but before I got married, a pretty important 3 years for me musically I guess. Thanks Josh and Dyer for keeping me somewhat fresh. I have a lot of work left to do though.

Logan, Utah 84321

We just got back from Logan. The trip itself was good, the wedding was fun, congrats to Sadie and Christian. Things went well and every time I go to Logan I really like the place. The weather is really nice this time of year and of course the summers are great coming from St George. There are about the same amount of "nice" days of weather in both places, just at different times. The major difference, of course, is the extremes in Logan are cold and the extremes in SG are hot and I don't mind the heat (my word the heat).

But weather should not be a major factor in why you live somewhere unless you are over 60. Quality of life, place to raise your family, things to do, friends, schools, jobs, etc should all be high on the list. I drive around Logan and love the homes and the open spaces and the mountains and, with lots of family there, I wonder why I don't live there. So I did a pros list. For every category there is a winner after it. So for example, weather is the first category. For weather, SG is the winner because I like it warm, and so on.


St George v Logan


Weather - SG (100 degrees is better than 0 degrees)
Grandparents (Reeders) - Logan
Grandparents (Scotts) - Logan (get it? a reason to move to Logan is cuz the Scotts are in SG..... funny huh mom?)
Quality of Life - Push
Jobs - SG (I have one in SG and don't in Logan)
Housing - Logan
Schools - Push
Things to do - Push
Good Community - Logan
Friends - SG
Golf - SG

That short list puts it pretty close, 4 for each with 3 pushes.

The last three are the most interesting. When I say Good Community I mean are there people like me there? There are many more people like me and my wife in Logan than there are in St George. When you go to a park in Logan, just like if you do in St George, there are moms with kids playing. The difference is the moms in St George look like this and the moms in Logan look like this. No offense to Wombats or Wombat handlers of course.

Now 50% of you (the male half) are now asking themselves how Logan won that competition. I don't know, isn't a society where all the bodies are how God made them better? Where people eat more than Jolly Ranchers for dinner? Won't my 4 daughters be better off going to the park and looking at what a real woman looks like in all her frumpy ugliness? I know I am putting a whole city in 1 of 2 categories and that is generally not a good idea or fair but there is a difference; we aren't called Vegas North or Utah County South for nothing.

The 2nd to last one on that list is Friends and this is a big one, I really like the people that I hang out with here. We have an amazing neighborhood and I get together with my high school friends for date nights or lunches or trips. My kids live right by school and they have great friends as well and I hate making new friends. A week or so ago we had a little pool party with J while he was here and just looking at his face as we were all hanging out told me he was having a great time and loved that all these friends of his and cool people were all here in the same place. Moments like those really reinforce for me that I am in the perfect spot.

And the last one on that list goes along with the frinds one, and that is golf. SG wins in the golf area, that should not surprise anyone. But it is not so much the array of courses as the people I play with. I have a great group of Friends and neighbors with whom I golf quite regularly. I think it is selfish to put golf on your list of why you should live somewhere (unless you are over 60) but there it is, and it is very important. Sorry. It is what I think about when I think about moving and really trumps all those other reasons put together. I mean, if my family was wallowing in misery and I had the chance to better their lives and give up golf I would do that but fortunately I don't have to make that choice. Two great places with many great characteristics and the winner is the one where I can golf regularly with people I enjoy. Sorry Logan. You will always have those frump uglies at the park and I will always love you for that.

Happy Mother's Day Mothers

There are many things we can learn from this video. Here are some highlights:

• You can call each other fat and ugly but never make fun of another person's mudda (mother).
• Mother is spelled M-O-T-H-E-R
• You may never know when you need it so it is always good to carry a microphone; I want to say in your back pocket is a good place but it looks more like Mr T had it stashed in his pants near the small of his back for some reason.
• We should treat our mother's right.

Happy Mother's Day

Sorry, Guest Blogger Bailed....it's just me still

Yes, mystery man is too busy to write down 100 words and push PUBLISH so it is back to me again. Sorry. The buildup was kind of fun though, wasn't it?

Back to my boring musings then, and for a man's man I talk way too much about Friends on here; I always thought the show was ok, not that great. But to be honest I have probably seen every episode at one time or another, I think every episode I have seen has been in syndication, I don't know if I ever saw one new. Probably the lame finale.

But there was this one where Ross and I think Rachel made a list of the 5 people with whom, if they had the opportunity, they could have a "freebie" meaning they could cheat on the other person with this person from their list and not suffer any consequences. Of course, that would really work (sarcasm). They each listed 5 celebreties and Ross runs into one of his by chance later that day, he confronts this celebrity about her being on his list, hilarity ensues, roll credits.

The King of Queens did the same type of thing, they are just lying in bed talking about it, she names her 5, all celebrities, and then he names 4 celebs and like the girl that does his wife's nails. This is funny because all of the others they named were people they would never really see but her nail girl he would see all the time.

This type of topic is very taboo with my wife. She is not really the jealous type but she definetly does not like me talking about other girls and who is cute and who is not. She doesn't need to worry, of course, because I find every other woman in the world utterly disgusting but her. But there is one girl I have a thing for that she knows about so I can talk about her here. If I were to make a list of 5 "freebies", then this girl would definelty be on there.





















I remember when Kathy told me in college that she had a thing for Beck and I looked at the dude and his hair was all messed up and he was skinny and kind of funny looking and I did not get it at the time but I think I do now.

This girl's name is Parker Posey and I just laugh looking at her. I think Daisy likes her as much as I do. I don't think she is what most would say is hot but she is so obnoxious that she is cute to me. She was great as Becky on The Simpsons and she is really funny here and of course here ...." you stupid.....hotel.....manager!"

I just gotta wear shades

Anyone getting excited for guest poster? I am. 3 more days.

While we wait I went to Mesquite, Nevada the other day with my boss right in the middle of the afternoon. It was a quick trip, we ate at my favorite Mesquite place, Los Lupes Mexican Restaurant. I had the Chile Relleno.

In the afternoon we were walking this empty lot with a client; since I am no real estate agent, I was doing my best to feign interest in the discussion. It was near 90° and there was not a tree for miles. I was not that hot temperature wise, just my normal hot good lookin wise, but I could not look at anything without squinting. There was a glare reflecting off of everything in that concrete jungle. I began, after a few minutes, to make a teepee with my hands to shield my eyes from the glare that was just bouncing off of everything. I am sure I looked very professional. I soon noticed that all the rich guys, which was everyone there but me, had sunglasses on and no one else was making a hand teepee.

I started taking an informal survey around town and a good 60%-75% of people driving on the road during the day wear sunglasses. I am hardly in the majority being what you might call anti-sunglasses. It should be easy to see why I am this way though, many people that wear sunglasses that I see on a day to day basis are kind of full of themselves. And when I developed this bias 20 years ago it was much worse. If you had a mullet in the late 80's you also had those neon colored pink or green oakley sunglasses and 99 times out of 100 you were a jerk. And right now would have been a great place to put an internet picture of those sweet shades but I could not find one anywhere. Did anyone take a picture of those sunglasses back in 89? I defy anyone that thinks of themselves as internet savy to find me a picture of those glasses, you know the ones I am talking about.

So I was in a store a few days later and there was a rack with sunglasses. Buy one pair for $9.99 and get another pair half off so I took the sunglass plunge. There are those out there to whom I now owe an apology. I have a long and storied career of making fun of people wearing sunglasses. If I have ever said to you "easy hollywood" or "man you are good looking but not as good looking as YOU think you are" to you I guess I now apologize. Of course, if you were indoors with your sunglasses on when I said it then I take back the apology and you are back to jerk status. I still have my principles.

I don't like that I am sunglass guy now, I hate it. I feel self-conscious and feel like I am trying to be cool but I am not a young man anymore. As I make long drives in the middle of the day I get bad headaches. When I go to work I drive east from home where the sun rises and drive home to where the sun sets and sometimes I can't see anything and it is dangerous.

So I did it, I bought not one pair but two, what do you want from me? The reasons to buy outweighed the reasons not to buy. I bought the first pair I tried on because I looked like Tom Cruise in Top Gun:

Both pairs are exactly the same, one is an exciting "back up pair" for the time in a few days when I lose the first. If these make my sight better, give me less headaches, and all I have to do is look cool and have more chicks checking me out, it is well worth it I guess. Probably sad it took me this long to make the move.

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Following up from last post I heard a joke the other day. How do you tell a good mormon from a bad mormon? By the temperature of their caffeine. Pretty funny, especially here in this town. Diet Coke ought to put a plant up here, they would save millions in distribution costs.

I am happy to announce that Nivey Blog will feature a guest blogger next week, probably around Thursday. I won't tell you who it is to keep anticipation high but it is going to be sweet, no pressure guest blogger. I look forward to that as both of you should as well.

Shayne

Bad people drink coffee, good people smell it

I really like the smell of coffee even though I have never even tried it. I have eaten Coffee Nibs candies and I go nuts every once in awhile and get a Jamocha Shake at Arby's. I always wondered if I should ask if it has real coffee in it but I was afraid of the answer. And you know how I love my Jamocha shakes, those Jamocha Shakes are Jamaicain me crazy.

Coffee and the smell reminds me of the airport. Me and my kids picked up my wife at the St George airport a few days ago, maybe a week, I can't remember. I kind of started to miss airports. I probably end up flying somewhere once a year these days but I used to get on an airplane every week. You feel important when you fly, even when you are making 30k right out of college. I always got a USA Today (or scrounged one up at the gates) and as I was flying all my food was paid for by my company so I ate whatever I wanted. I ballooned to over 185 pounds during those 3 years but it was worth it, it was fun.

The decision to quit that job, however, was an easy one. It was one thing being away from Daisy all week. She was teaching school at the time. But a few days after Parly was born I had to go to Chile for 2 weeks. It was winter there and August in Houston so what a perfect time to go. I went to an easy gig and even went snowboarding at El Colorado near Santiago but I was miserable the whole time because I missed my family and my new daughter.

I moved to Arizona with another company a few months later and ended up traveling just as much so after 6 more months I said screw this and moved my wife and daughter back to St George and drove a linen truck to make ends meet until I got a job in GIS.

So long story short, I went off there, I like airports. I like reading People magazine in the airport and watching the people crowd in so they can be the first ones on the plane. I hope to fly first class someday but not pay for it.

What's my age again?

I am getting very forgetful as of late. I can't remember names and I will think of something and can't remember what it was just minutes later.

I have a planner that I use religiously and I don't know if that has ruined my short term memory or made it so I can at least get some things done and be reminded of some important things.

I am only 33 but I can really feel the effects of aging. I can't imagine being really old, like 5o or whatever. That is like being nearly dead. I was playing basketball last week and I hurt my back early on but kept playing. I could not even get out of bed the next morning. I truly could not move. I literally called in sick. Then I went to the gym on Monday with a friend and this morning I want to shoot myself, I am so sore. I literally can't lift a pen over my head. Dude, literally. Per se.

Another thing showing my age is my marathon times have been weak the past few years. I broke 4 hours I think 3 years ago but the last 2 have been well in the 4's and not really even close to breaking 4. It has been frustrating.

The problem is it is like it hit me overnight. The senility and the body aches literally started the day I turned 30. I think when I turned 30 was the one where Daisy forgot it was my birthday, I have never let her forget that either. I did not care at all that I was turning 30, it was no special milestone for me. But the next day I was not the same.

Oh, Happy 30th next month Daisy, love ya!

Ben Stiller is right, grass does smell good

I am embarrassed that I have seen this show as much as I have but there is a really funny episode of Friends with Ben Stiller. He is dating Rachel and seems like a nice guy but whenever he is alone with Ross he yells and swears and acts all crazy. Of course Ross brings this up and everyone thinks he is just jealous and is making it up.

Well, Ben Stiller's character just gets done threatening Ross and yelling at him about the hot coffee and he walks in the coffee shop all calm and someone asks him "what is your favorite thing about summer?" and without missing a beat he responds very calmly "I don't know, probably the smell of fresh cut grass" and everyone sighs in unison about what a good answer that was.

Well he was right, that is a good smell. It is a great smell and is in full force this weekend. I think we hit 73° today and should have a few more months of great weather ahead of us before it gets too hot. Although we have been over 70 and even in the 80's here temperature wise for a few weeks now, it is just barely officially spring and thus time for me to mow my lawn.

There is nothing that says Americana quite like mowing the lawn. There are few lawns in other countries generally speaking, from my experience, and even in other parts of the United States a lawn can be very scarce. In Portugal you absolutely could not walk on what little grass there was, grass was not for walking. I only made that mistake once. I don't see many lawns on either coast as I visit, maybe in Maine I saw some lawns though. But I bet there is an inverse relationship between the amount of lawn you have and your likelihood to have voted for John Kerry in 2004. If you have a large lawn you are probably a Bush guy. And if you live in a high rise with no yard, you voted Kerry. Lawn size is definitely a red state/blue state issue that should be on everyone's mind.

It is so nice to take 4 or 5 months off from mowing the lawn in the winter but is also very exciting to break out the mower in the spring when it is finally time. I get anxious to do it. Today I broke it out and went nuts for the first time this year. I have a small lawn as far as lawns go but I like it, it is plenty. Long gone are the days of an acre full of grass here in the desert like when I was a kid. The smell was great too, just like Ben Stiller said. I'm not the kind that can take the time to mow the bat insignia in my lawn. I may change directions once in awhile, but that is pretty much it. But I had a good time today. My daughter sat on the back patio and watched and was quite mesmerized by the whole thing. She did not do anything else but watch the back and forth and was in a mowing trance. I asked her if she liked to watch the lawn being mowed and she smiled sheepishly like I had caught her doing something wrong. She answered yes like she was admitting to something embarrassing.

But it is therapeutic for me. One of those things where I don't really look forward to it but once I am doing it I enjoy it (like going to the temple, deer hunting, going to work, exercising, etc). Good for the soul, mowing the lawn. Mow on you crazy diamond.