Maggie Mae Scott

Well, SHE is here. Maggie Mae was born at noon on Sunday July 23rd. She weighed 6 lbs 9 ozs and for those that really want details she was 19.5 inches long. She was due on July 27th so she came a little early by design since our doctor was going out of town. We went in about 7am on Sunday and only 5 hours later after 10 minutes of pushing, out she came. She is beautiful and healthy. Here are the pictures to prove it. I think you can click on these pictures and they will display a little bigger.

Let the having all daughters and estrogen jokes begin. Actually, let me head you off at the pass. If you can come up some thoughts about having all girls besides these below then please leave me a comment. Here are my top thoughts on only having girls and having 4 of them:

I don't have to go to Father's and Sons and I never will.
When Parly is 19, Clayre will be 17, Kate will be 15, and Maggie will be 13.
There is a good chance that within 6 years from around 2020-2026 I will end up paying for 4 weddings.
Bi-annual alone time is all mine as I go to the Priesthood session of general conference by myself every April and October.
Odds are better that I won't have to send off a missionary.
I never have to worry about that urine spray in the face when I am changing a diaper that I have heard so much about.
No circumcision trauma
4 caretakers of me when I am old and senile
Instead of having 1 penis to worry about I have to worry about all the other penises in the world for the next 2o years.

Anything I missed?

Poor Millionaires

Poor Millionaires is not an oxy-moron like you might think. That is my sincere feeling about millionaires this morning. I feel bad for them now. After last night I have a whole new perspective on rich people, specifically people with large homes with a lot of smoke alarms.

I know it is so cliché but last night from 12:something to after 1:30am I was up changing all the batteries in my 7 smoke alarms. It really was over an hour and a half. I had all the kids up with my pounding and Daisy was holding the step ladder for me. I changed one upstairs and then I heard one downstairs. I go downstairs and I start to hear 2 beeps now. I changed another and there are still 2 beeps and now maybe a third. After about an hour I realized I was jamming those 9 volt batteries in the wrong way so I go through all 3 of them again and finally get the beeping to stop. And then just because I am up and have the batteries I decide to change the other 4 too. You know, be proactive so I have another year without beeps at 1 am.

But what about those poor people in mansions? I have 2800 square feet and 7 alarms. So does someone with 6000 sq ft have 14 alarms? What about mansions in Beverly Hills? Don't these people send their maids, butlers, cooks, and gardeners home for the night? What do they do in the middle of the night? Michael Jackson could not have done what I did last night much less do it at the Neverland Ranch. He probably has smoke alarms in his monkey cages and child molestation rooms that are hard to get to. Do the rich have to change their own smoke alarm batteries in the middle of the night? I hear that even rich people put their pants on one leg at a time and even rich people have to poo. Do they have to change their smoke alarm batteries too? I would not wish what happened to me last night on my worst enemy, not even on Chester the Molester Jackson. I mean, I hate the rich and all but we should be able to get a better system than a beeping in the night, for everyone involved.

Lame as a Rob

I was out of town this past weekend. My brother-in-law got married so congrats to him. Also, my other brother-in-law, just last night, became a father for the first time so congrats to Marty and Bonnie. They will do great. It was a fun little vacation.

On the way home I listened to a Loggins and Messina CD. On that CD is a song called Vahevala. It is a fine song but I never knew what the words were until I looked them up this morning. About 10 years ago I was with some friends down on the Arizona strip listening to this song and I began to Weird Al the song. I Weird Aled the crap out of it. I was making up lyrics left and right just to annoy those that were with me. The funny thing is that the words I made up 10 years ago have stayed with me so every time I sing that song today I still sing the Weird Al lyrics I made up. It went something like this...." Va-Hee-Va-La... home boy sail away.... Va Hee Va La..... home boy sail away". I mean I knew those were not the words but I did think I was closer than I was given credit for. The real words are "Vahevala Home of Sailor... Vahevala Homeward Sail Away". I know that certain people out there (Josh) would be surprised at how close I was. All I did was add Home boy to that last part where there was a Homeward. Not too bad.

Listening to that song made me think of other times when I or others have thought they were singing the right words but were way off. I won't name any names on any of these, you know who you are. For space considerations, I will only be putting the wrong words to these songs. If you want to know what the right lyrics are you can look them up yourself.

The Cure - Just like Heaven: Show me show me show me how you do that trick, the one that makes me scream sea sick

Just the Tubas, we can make it if we try, just the tubas, you and I

Blinded by the light... wrapped up like a douche another roller in the night

Beck - Loser Soooooo up in the door, I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me

Gin Blossoms - Yeah, do you think it would be allright, if I could just crash here tonight, you see I'm no shame MacGyver, anyway I've got no place to go

Hootie and the Blowfish - "I'm such a baby that the Dolphins make me cry". Oh wait, those absurd lyrics are the real lyrics. crazy.

But you get the point. The kicker in all of this is not exactly the same thing but related. My friend wanted to get a book he heard about that was supposed to be so great. So he went in a bookstore and asked for the book that he was told was so good. "Do you have 'Lame as a Rob'?" he inquired. I am not joking, this is a true story. The person at the bookstore was puzzled and asked him to repeat the name several times before realizing which book he was looking for. After another minute my friend was checking out with his brand new paper back copy of the classic Victor Hugo novel Les Miserables. You know, starring Jon Val Jeen. That story was and always will be a classic.

There are many more songs like this that I can't think of right now. Please let me know if there are some like this for you. Any song where you thought it said one thing and it really says another.