Poor Millionaires is not an oxy-moron like you might think. That is my sincere feeling about millionaires this morning. I feel bad for them now. After last night I have a whole new perspective on rich people, specifically people with large homes with a lot of smoke alarms.
I know it is so cliché but last night from 12:something to after 1:30am I was up changing all the batteries in my 7 smoke alarms. It really was over an hour and a half. I had all the kids up with my pounding and Daisy was holding the step ladder for me. I changed one upstairs and then I heard one downstairs. I go downstairs and I start to hear 2 beeps now. I changed another and there are still 2 beeps and now maybe a third. After about an hour I realized I was jamming those 9 volt batteries in the wrong way so I go through all 3 of them again and finally get the beeping to stop. And then just because I am up and have the batteries I decide to change the other 4 too. You know, be proactive so I have another year without beeps at 1 am.
But what about those poor people in mansions? I have 2800 square feet and 7 alarms. So does someone with 6000 sq ft have 14 alarms? What about mansions in Beverly Hills? Don't these people send their maids, butlers, cooks, and gardeners home for the night? What do they do in the middle of the night? Michael Jackson could not have done what I did last night much less do it at the Neverland Ranch. He probably has smoke alarms in his monkey cages and child molestation rooms that are hard to get to. Do the rich have to change their own smoke alarm batteries in the middle of the night? I hear that even rich people put their pants on one leg at a time and even rich people have to poo. Do they have to change their smoke alarm batteries too? I would not wish what happened to me last night on my worst enemy, not even on Chester the Molester Jackson. I mean, I hate the rich and all but we should be able to get a better system than a beeping in the night, for everyone involved.
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8 comments:
shayne if you scale those numbers down proportionally, my apt would only need 1.75 alarms. we have 5. i think that may be too many, because if we turn the oven higher than 400 the alarms go off about 15 seconds later.
Yeah, if you hit your knees on the wall when you sit on the toilet, you should not have 5 smoke alarms. That is a standard.
i wish you could come help my neighbor with their alarm. for over a year now, they have just accepted the fact that they appearantly don't know how to change the battery and so there is a steady "beep" every 30 seconds. you have to be in their house, or have the windows open (doesn't happen often in houston) to hear it. we get a nice chuckle out of it whenever we are lucky enough to hear our chirping little friend.
brent.
Did any of you ever come to our house in Provo and hear our neighbor who would honk repeatedly every single time she got in her car? It drove us crazy. But, then, I think it was Josh that noticed she wasn't doing it on purpose. She was rather rotund and her belly would hit the horn button everytime she'd get in or shift around. From then on, it was a thing of beauty.
And that's the reason my drivers seat is so far back.
What I like to do is tilt the steering wheel way up so it is almost horizontal like I am driving a big bus. There is no way my gut can hit the horn then. It was either that or stop drinking Dr. Pepper and that ain't gonna happen.
Speaking of rich people, I went roller skating last night w/ Paul Ford in Sandy. Yes, I did.
Steve,
What brought you to Sandy is one thing, a question that may never be answered. But to be roller skating? And to be Roller Skating with Paul Ford IN Sandy? Some things are better left unsaid. I would rather imagine how and why that took place than to ever know the truth.
steve hahahahaha awesome.
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